Dear RG, All the things I don't understand
I don't understand any part of you leaving. I drove you to work every week for three and a half years and we had a normal amount of arguments and one or two break ups a year before we got married. The break up that stuck? The first one when I didn't have a car and couldn't drive you anymore. Every day that thought kills me. The whole what if I still had a car would things be different. What if I hadn't made the mistake of changing industries. I'm thankful to have a job, but I need to get back to health care to get my finances straight. I know your not coming back but I still need to get my finances in order for me. Waiting tables has me treading water and it's exhausting. I'm making baby steps everyday and I'm thankful for that.
I wish you could explain all the bizarre parts. You used to hate when I said ugly things about my first husband, but you have gossiped about me a lot. Why do you think everyone has turned against me and hate me? I still have the same wonderful friends and they still love me the same. Six months before you left me, you disliked those same gossips at your work. I remember when you heard them gossiping about you. The girl that swore you fit the profile of a serial killer and the other girl you heard laughing about which of your eyes was the lazy eye. I love you so much I never knew which eye was the lazy eye. It wasn't important to me. I just loved you completely. Those coworkers of yours, their opinions were so important when you left me, not a single one them called and checked on you when your grandfather died. Not a single sympathy card. Your job didn't even call and check on you when you went to the emergency room in August. I remember when you hated that place so much you were putting in applications everyday. And I remember the day you got so upset when your memory failed you. You were filling out an application and you told me it took you a long time to remember what year it was. I still worry about that. You said you thought your memory was messing up from time to time. I wanted to help you, I wanted to take you to the VA for help. Now I have to get over losing you, because I know you can't remember how great we were. I know you used to love me and it is lost somewhere that you can't find anymore. I can't forget how much I love you, and you can't remember how much you loved me. That is what I will never understand.
Friday, January 16, 2015
Friday, January 2, 2015
Food trucks and left field
Food trucks and left field
One minute I thought I was in the "best marriage ever". Then September happened. A perfect storm of every bad thing at once. A Shakespearean tragedy, I thought my husband was completely happy until thirty minutes before the breakup.
Rewind to a month before the breakup. I wanted to take a break from nursing, and buy a food truck to run with my husband. I thought his cooking was the best and I loved how happy he looked in the kitchen. The pride he had with cooking. My sappy bohemian dreams of starting a micro farm and running a small food truck with my forever husband. Why not believe our marriage was going to last forever, it was still brand new. Only eight months. He supported my ideas and supported me taking a break from being a nurse aide. I took a huge cut in pay to work at a sandwich shop in walking distance from our home. I thought it was fun. I watched videos of micro farms and vertical gardens. I found a used food truck for $3000 and was hoping to get it with my tax return. I thought the perfect theme would be coffee because of how much my husband loved coffee. He would drink tons of it all day every day. I researched and thought I could start the truck with under $5000 of coffee equipment. I thought it was a happy goal that we shared. I still can't believe he would let me take such a huge cut in pay if he knew he was about to leave. I regret my decision to change industries, and will hopefully be back as a nurse aide as soon as possible. It won't get my husband back, but at least I will get my life back on track financially.
One minute I thought I was in the "best marriage ever". Then September happened. A perfect storm of every bad thing at once. A Shakespearean tragedy, I thought my husband was completely happy until thirty minutes before the breakup.
Rewind to a month before the breakup. I wanted to take a break from nursing, and buy a food truck to run with my husband. I thought his cooking was the best and I loved how happy he looked in the kitchen. The pride he had with cooking. My sappy bohemian dreams of starting a micro farm and running a small food truck with my forever husband. Why not believe our marriage was going to last forever, it was still brand new. Only eight months. He supported my ideas and supported me taking a break from being a nurse aide. I took a huge cut in pay to work at a sandwich shop in walking distance from our home. I thought it was fun. I watched videos of micro farms and vertical gardens. I found a used food truck for $3000 and was hoping to get it with my tax return. I thought the perfect theme would be coffee because of how much my husband loved coffee. He would drink tons of it all day every day. I researched and thought I could start the truck with under $5000 of coffee equipment. I thought it was a happy goal that we shared. I still can't believe he would let me take such a huge cut in pay if he knew he was about to leave. I regret my decision to change industries, and will hopefully be back as a nurse aide as soon as possible. It won't get my husband back, but at least I will get my life back on track financially.
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