Lip gloss and poverty

How many times have you bought an expensive lip gloss that never even got used. Forgotten and unopened at the bottom of a drawer or left in the original bag. I never thought about it before. I didn't care before. One of the biggest mistakes was my choice to take a break from nursing to work in the food industry. I under employed my own self and thought it was a brilliant and brave choice. I had no comprehension how huge the pay cut really was. I took a huge pay cut, and didn't even budget my money. RG was worried about the power bill and I was clueless about how bad my pay cut was and I was still buying make up. And fake eyelashes. And you name it. Six months after the break up I am trying to learn how to budget. I write every purchase down in a budget book. I have a bottom of the tube make up rule. Finish a lip gloss before you buy another one, which means all the tubes in the drawer have to be used. If I want a new foundation, than I need to use up the cakey bottle, period. I have wasted money my whole life, but now that I am dancing on the edge of being homeless, one financial crisis away from losing my place to live, it's a lot easier to see that greedy amounts of sushi and twenty two dollar lip gloss was a waste of money. There is bitter sadness that permeates poverty, it's the regret. Regretting ever bad choice you made to get there and the person you can't apologize to.

Compassion with a side of hash browns

Compassion with a side of hash browns

Working the last six months in a busy breakfast diner has taught me a million things. Of course it taught me the food industry is not my talent. Twenty years ago I was a great waitress, today not so much. In this economy, people will say anything to get free food. I understand that hot food when your hungry is like a hit of cocaine when your sober. Complaints of how horrible the food is to get a full refund after you ate the whole plate have driven the food costs up to the astronomical  point even I can understand how bad this industry is financially. I'm glad I learned that money lesson as a waitress and not a food truck owner.    
The lessons that are kinder are based more in humanity. I have not been my best these last six months. I have been my worst. Fragile and crying and sad. My co workers never knew me before my hospital stay and break up, and not a single one has a college degree. Every single one has had more compassion then every degree nurse working with my husband. When I am crying too much they set up my tables and get their drinks. When they hear my voice shake, the ten second warning to tears they try to help me redirect. One waitress knows if she lightly pinches the side of my neck it makes me laugh. The cook knows I get too scared to walk to the bus stop in the dark, so she has her husband take me to work even on her days off. These women are strong and caring, and they gently try to push me to be stronger everyday. They have shown so much compassion to me just saying thank you doesn't feel like it's enough, but it's a start.